Trafcom News

Terry Fallis wins Leacock award for humorous novel

Terry Fallis of Thornley Fallis and the Inside PR podcast has won the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour for his novel about Canadian politics, The Best Laid Plans.

Why is this something I’d blog about? Well, Terry has become a friend of mine in Toronto’s social media world. And, he self-published the book after he couldn’t get a publisher to bite, then he podcasted podcast the novel, a chapter at a time, making it freely available. So if you’re trying to get your novel out there for the world to notice, take a page from Terry’s book (OK, not literally).

I loved the story, which I consumed over the Christmas holidays, laughing out loud at times.

Congratulations, Terry! Three questions: When will The Best Laid Plans become a major motion picture? What’s your next book about? Why does everyone think Dave Jones is the funny one on Inside PR?

Customer service rule 1: Do not hang up on customers

How I wish I had recorded this call today.

First, some background. All week I've been receiving calls on my office line from an 888 number. I usually don’t pick up. When I do, it’s a hang-up. After it happened today, for the 12th time this week (I know how many times because my phone displays this), I called the number back. Here’s what happened. (I am not revealing the company name since I didn’t record the call and can’t guarantee that my memory is 100% accurate.)

Company XYZ: Hi, this is [unintelligible name], XYZ Telephone.

Donna: Hello, this is a customer of yours. All week, your company has been calling me and hanging up. I wonder why.

Company XYZ: This is an outbound call centre.

Donna: So you are making outbound calls to customers.

Company XYZ: Yes.

Donna; Well, you are hanging up on customers. You are a phone company. I would think that you know how to make phone calls.

Company XYZ: We use auto-dialers. Some times there is a delay.

Donna: I am familiar with auto-dialers. Believe me, this is not a delay. This is a hang-up. It’s very annoying. So tell me, why were you calling me anyway?

Company XYZ: We call our customers to see if they’re happy with our service.

Donna: OK. I’m NOT happy with your service because you keep calling and hanging up on me!

Company XYZ: We use an auto-dialer…

Donna: Yes, I know about the auto-dialer. I can’t imagine that this is a good way to build customer relations, by phoning people and hanging up on them. I can’t be the only customer who actually called back to see who’s annoying me.

Company XYZ: Would you like us to take you off the list so we don’t call you any more?

Donna: YES. Thank you!

So there you have it. A phone company calling customers and hanging up on them. That’s what I call top-notch service: technology first, people second. And cost-cutting above all.

Help for Crackberry addicts

The recent Blackberry outage put countless users on edge. Yikes, they were unable to thumb through their email for, like, hours! As a communicator, I like this comical video, “A Cure for Blackberry Addiction,” on MyRaganTV (despite the error on the title screen– “effects” instead of “affects”) because it reflects a sad reality: our inability to unplug.

Macbook Air parody

My friend Mitch Joel and his buddy David Usher have put together a parody of the now-famous Macbook Air ad from Apple, showing off the assets of the Sony Vaio ultra-portoable notebook.

Ze Frank is back!

I'm taking a sick day today, which means I'm still working, but I'm wearing sweats instead of real clothes.

Thank goodness there's a ray of brightness, however, amid the tea cups and Kleenex. Ze Frank is back! Bless  you, BL Ochman, for alerting us.

If you want to experience excellent writing, brilliant pacing, and the smart use of a single camera for video, watch the master in action.

A Canadian primer for our American friends

As an American-Canadian, I always find the first week of July somewhat jarring. Up here we celebrate Canada Day, while down south, the big holiday is Independence Day (which also happens to be my little brother’s birthday). My relatives still wish me a “Happy Fourth of July,” even though it’s just a regular Wednesday here this year.

Still, since crossing the border from New York to Ontario 20 years ago with all my worldly goods, I’ve adjusted to my new home, and can even "pass" for a Canadian, despite my slight but lingering Noo Yawk accent. With all those years of "Canadian experience" under my Roots belt, I’m happy to share some tips with my American compatriots who may not be aware of what life is like north of the 49th parallel. I first wrote these up a few years ago, and they're still valid today.

1. In Toronto, winter arrives in November and doesn’t depart until April … or May. For the first time in your life, you’ll buy long underwear, mittens and a toque (a practical, yet decidedly unattractive knitted winter cap). And you will wear them. Gladly.
2. You can count the number of years of Canadian residency by the salt rings on your boots (unless you live in Vancouver, where the people wear Birkenstock sandals all year, apparently).
3. Don’t worry about foregoing the American television networks you have come to love; you can watch most of your favourite (not favorite) programs here except those on Fox News, and you won’t really miss them anyway, eh?
4. Thanks to universal health care, you can say goodbye to HMOs, co-payments and deductibles, but you may have to wait in a queue, I mean, a line, no matter how high the balance in your bank account.
5. A check is a cheque, a two-dollar coin is a toonie, milk is sold in plastic bags (in Ontario anyway), and you boil water in an electric kettle from The Bay or Canadian Tire.
6. The Saturday paper, not the Sunday edition, is the biggie.
7. In some parts of the country, gay marriage is legal. So is gay divorce.
8. Good Friday is a holiday; July 4th isn’t.
9. The geography stretches not from sea to shining sea, but from coast to coast to coast.
10. There’s no death penalty here. And it’s a mosaic, not a melting pot.
11. You’ll soon understand this sentence: "Gord, please pass a serviette; I’ve spilled some poutine on the chesterfield."**
12. And, last but not least, you’ll finally have to learn the metric system.

**Translation: Gordon, please pass me a napkin. I’ve spilled some gravy-and-cheese-curd-covered French fries on the couch.

Seven words you can’t say in Steve Crescenzo’s podcast

Well, it was worth the wait. Steve Crescenzo’s podcast, Corporate Punishment, is now online. In this first installment, Steve tackles the topic of trite “wellness” tips in employee publications (which includes a hilarious riff on Dr. Phil), as well as those B.S. words we have all come to loathe in corporate publications. Here are the seven words no guest can say on Steve’s podcast (and neither can Steve):
Leverage
Synergy
Core competency
Paradigm
Proactive
Empower
Utilize

Can I add something? Win-win (my own pet peeve).

Welcome to the world of podcasting, Steve.

Trust your drummer

Apropos of absolutely nothing…I want to share this hilarious bit from Dan Misener.

Dan did a segment on the CBC’s GO program with Brent Bambury, describing how he solved the problem of no one laughing at his jokes by hiring a drummer.

Matthew, the drummer, followed Dan around all day to punctuate his humour with stings. I love the job interview.

PR Murder Mystery

Luke Armour again demonstrates how it’s possible to splice up podcasts to create something completely different – and totally unintended by the original podcasters.

You may recall his Virtual PR Geek Dinner last year. This time, he’s crafted a hilarious Virtual PR Murder Mystery. I can’t imagine how many hours Luke devoted to listening to these various podcasts, making notes for his script, and then laboriously crafting it all together. He even recruited Christopher S. Penn to narrate.

Now, every time I record an edition of my Trafcom News Podcast, I’ll be wondering, “Hmm, is this fodder for Luke’s next wild and wonderful creation? And will he make me sound like a schoolmarm again?”

The unwitting partners in crime are
Constantin Basturea
Shel Holtz
Neville Hobson
Steve Rubel
Terry Fallis
Dave Jones

If Ancient Rome had been online

A very smart, very funny post from Scott Monty. What if the Ancient Romans had had Internet access?